Monday, February 12, 2007

Hooters byline on their website: "Delightfully tacky, YET UNREFINED"

I don't believe it -- James, Ricklen and I just went to HOOTERS for lunch!

This could have been an episode from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".

None of us had ever been to this Bastion Of Straightdom before, and James and I always been curious "what the big deal" is about this chain of advertised buxom, revealing smorgasbord of delights.

Now we KNOW. There IS no big deal -- at least at this far-flung Hooters location in West Des Moines, Iowa.

Hopefully it's more cloying in more exotic locations, for you straight guys. Here, they weren't very responsive, interested, or stimulated by the female employees in the Breadbasket of Amurrrika.

The food was definitely below-average, and the waitresses were attractive enough -- but they sure didn't look like the strippers as I had expected from the advertising.

What fun is that? These young women just looked freezing cold in their scanty short pants and low-cut blouses. Oh well, I guess a girl's gotta make a living!

Our waitress was a slim mulatto girl with frizzy, burnt reddish hair. She introduced herself as "Tyke". (As in...like little kid?)

She seductively smoothled down a post-it note with "Tyke" and a happy face on our table after our drink order, to make sure we'd remember her.

Mission accomplished!

It was two o'clock on a Monday afternoon so the place wasn't very crowded. However, there was a boisterous table behind us with two guys and a gal, busily playing a video machine which involved firing with a gun. They were whoopin' and hollerin' at top volume during most of our lunch. Woo-hoo!

Then there were the four guys at a neighboring table, subconsciously begging for makeovers. (If they only knew. Hey guy, please lose the Bill Cosby multi-colored, bulky sweater and beige chinos!)

Our waitress "Tyke" sat herself down companionably at our table (is this a Hooter-ism? Anyway it was a "first") and breathily asked what we'd like to drink. I glanced at her low-cut blouse, when she gently wagged her chest back and forth as she stared soulfully into my eyes, huskily whispering the drink menu.

Again...a girl's gotta make a living. I bet she has some interesting stories to tell about this job!

The menu did not include Vodka, or any hard alcohol. Just beer and wine. But we could "walk on the wild side" with sangria. (UH-oh! Were we detected??)

I went for a wheat beer on tap. Ricklen had a half-bottle of white whine. James had a Pepsi.

When the four guys arrived at the next table, I couldn't stop thinking about that show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" who might/could work wonders with them. There was LOTS of material to work with: bad haircuts all around; rumpled shirts which didn't even remotely go with the pants, the Bill Cosby multi-colored sweater...it reminded me of kids at their first day of Kindergarten, dressed haphazardly without their mommy paying attention.

Sorry guys....there's nothing really wrong with your outfits....it was just sort of a shock to be jolted into this emphatically straight world.

This was wake-up call to Mainstream America, which James and I usually don't participate in. I appreciate it, actually -- it provides a perspective.

Wow -- I guess we're really weird. And that's okay.

At the end of our visit, to wrap it all up, "Tyke" sat back down at our table and asked if everything was okay. Yes, my dear, it was fine. Thanks for joining us.

What a different world. Fascinating and informative.

But not to be repeated anytime soon.

Oooohhhh...I can hardly wait to GO HOME!!!!

3 comments:

  1. .

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    Designer/Architect as well
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    As soon as we acknowledge
    this Supreme Designer/Architect,
    Who has erected the beauteous
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    must necessarily be ravished with
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    wisdom and power.

    Please remember to never
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    for ascertaining uninterrupted
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    There is a time for everything,
    a season for every activity
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    born and a time to die. A
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    harvest. A time to kill and
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    rebuild. A time to cry and
    a time to laugh. A time to
    grieve and a time to dance.
    A time to scatter stones
    and a time to gather stones.
    A time to embrace and a
    time to turn away. A time to
    search and a time to lose.
    A time to keep and a time to
    throw away. A time to tear
    and a time to mend. A time
    to be quiet and a time to
    speak up. A time to love
    and a time to hate. A time
    for war and a time for peace.

    Here's what remarkable men
    have asseverated about the
    world's bestseller:

    "I believe the Bible is the best gift
    God has ever given to man. All
    the good from the Savior of the
    world is communicated to us
    through this book."
    -- President Abraham Lincoln

    "For we must consider that we shall
    be as a City upon a hill. The eyes of
    all people are upon us. So that if we
    shall deal falsely with our God in this
    work we have undertaken, and so
    cause Him to withdraw his present
    help from us, we shall be made a
    story and a byword throughout the
    world." --John Winthrop, Governor
    of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

    "It is impossible to rightly govern the
    world without God and the Bible."
    - President George Washington

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    Creature, with a power that conquers
    all that oppose it." - Napoleon

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    - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)

    "The Bible is worth all other books which
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    "The Bible is the anchor of our liberties."
    - President U.S. Grant

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    - Horace Greeley (Editor)

    "That Book is the rock on which our Republic
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    - Gen. Robert E. Lee

    "Bible reading is an education in itself."
    - Lord Tennyson (Poet)

    "So great is my veneration for the Bible that the
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    useful citizens of their country and respectable
    members of society. I have for many years made
    it a practice to read through the Bible once
    every year." - President John Quincy Adams

    "The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the
    people, is the greatest benefit which the human
    race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
    belittle it is a crime against humanity."
    - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)

    "The New Testament is the very best Book that
    ever or ever will be known in the world."
    - Charles Dickens (Author)

    "All human discoveries seem to be made only
    for the purpose of confirming more and more
    strongly the truths contained in the Sacred
    Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)

    "There are more sure marks of authenticity
    in the Bible than in any profane history."
    - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)

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    let the natural sciences progress in
    even greater extent and depth, and
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    and moral culture of Christianity, as
    it shines forth in the Gospels, it will
    not go." - Goethe (Author)

    "I have known ninety-five of the world's
    great men in my time, and of these eight-
    seven were followers of the Bible. The
    Bible is stamped with a Specialty of Origin,
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    - W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)

    "Whatever merit there is in anything that
    I have written is simply due to the fact that
    when I was a child my mother daily read
    me a part of the Bible and daily made me
    learn a part of it by heart." - John Ruskin
    (art critic and social commentator)

    "The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the
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    "The whole hope of human progress is
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    "America was born a Christian nation. America
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    --President Woodrow Wilson

    For Christians, the life and death of Jesus
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    and for God's promise of freedom for
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    hearted, and salvation. --President
    George W. Bush

    "It cannot be emphasized too strongly
    or too often that this great nation was
    founded, not by religionists, but by
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    the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
    very reason peoples of other faiths
    have been afforded asylum, prosperity,
    and freedom of worship here."
    --Patrick Henry (original member
    of the Continental Congress)


    God designed humans to want to
    believe in something. That's the
    image of God that is in us. But as
    G. K. Chesterton famously put it,
    when we reject the God of the
    Bible, we don't believe in nothing;
    we believe in everything -- including
    Little Green Men. - - Chuck Colson


    I am trying here to prevent anyone from
    saying the really foolish thing that people
    often say about Jesus Christ: "I'm ready
    to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher,
    but I don't accept His claim to be God."

    That is the one thing we must not say.
    A man who was merely a man and said
    the sort of things Jesus said would not be
    a great moral teacher. He would either be
    a lunatic -- on a level with a man who says
    he is a poached egg -- or else he would be
    the Devil of Hell.

    You must make your choice. Either this Man
    was, and is, the Son of God, or else a madman
    or something worse .... You can shut Him up
    for fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a
    demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him
    Lord and God. But let us not come up with any
    patronizing nonsense about His being a great
    human teacher. He has not left that option
    open to us. He did not intend to. -- From
    Case for Christianity, by C.S. Lewis



    "Let every student be plainly instructed and
    earnestly pressed to consider well the main
    end of his life and studies is to know God
    and Jesus Christ which is eternal life (John
    17:3)." - - - The Laws and Statutes of
    Harvard College in 1643


    "All scholars shall live religious, godly,
    and blameless lives according to the rules
    of God's Word, diligently reading the Holy
    Scriptures, the fountain of light and truth;
    and constantly attend upon all the duties
    of religion, both in public and secret."
    - - - Two central requirements in Yale
    College 1745 charter

    If you stop believing what your professor
    told you had to be true and if you start
    thinking for yourself you may come to some
    conclusions you hadn't expected. You may
    find the Bible makes more sense than you
    thought or were told to think. Allow yourself
    to be ruined, ruined with regard to what you
    always thought could be true. Can you believe
    what you don't understand? You and I believe
    everyday what we don't understand unless it
    comes to the issue of salvation.
    - - - Dr. Woodrow Kroll

    There is simply no historic foundation for the
    position that the Framers intended to build the
    'wall of separation' that was constitutionalized
    in Everson. The 'wall of separation between
    church and state' is a metaphor based on bad
    history, a metaphor which has proved useless
    as a guide to judging. It should be frankly and
    explicitly abandoned. - - - Chief Justice of
    the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist

    In 1796 the US Supreme Court issued this
    ruling, "By our form of government, the
    Christian religion is the established religion,
    and all sects and denominations of Christians
    are placed on equal footing." Some 57 years
    later, after Congress was petitioned to separate
    Christian principles from government, in 1853
    the House Judiciary Committee issued their
    formal report, including these words: "In this
    age there is no substitute for Christianity.
    This was the religion of the founders of the
    republic, and they expected it to be the
    religion of their dependents. The great vital,
    conservative elements in our system is the
    belief of our people in the pure doctrines
    and divine truths of the gospel of Jesus
    Christ." - - - Dr. Gerald Beavan


    "It is the duty of nations, as well as of men,
    to own their dependence upon the overruling
    power of God and to recognize the sublime
    truth announced in the Holy Scriptures and
    proven by all history, that those nations only
    are blessed whose God is the Lord."
    -- President Abraham Lincoln


    Trust in yourself and you are doomed to
    disappointment; trust in money and you
    may have it taken from you; but trust in
    God, and you are never to be confounded
    in time or eternity. - D.L. Moody

    Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic
    in the best of minds. Men and women live
    on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
    into which they never enter and with their
    hand on the door latch they die outside.
    - - GK Chesterton

    Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
    Dr. Whoami

    P.S. Here's some blogs that I found
    of interest
    as I negotiated my way
    through cyberspace:


    Every Student
    Religion Comparison
    Around the Well
    Danish Cartoons
    Arabic Cartoons
    Muhammad or Jesus???
    Answering Islam
    Is Jesus God?
    A Short Look At Six World Religions
    God's Word in different languages...
    How to become a Christian
    Who Is Jesus?
    See The Word
    Watch The Jesus Movie
    Spanish Cartoons
    German Cartoons
    Chinese Cartoons
    Italian Cartoons
    Greek Cartoons
    Japanese Cartoons
    Portuguese Cartoons
    French Cartoons
    Hindi Cartoons
    Russian Cartoons
    'Thought & Humor'


    Only one of these is amalgamated with me -
    can you determine which one??? Tell me
    sometime what your thoughts are about
    all this:O)

    ReplyDelete
  2. crazy professor, i guess your name says it all.

    Somehow, I do not think that you wrote your response word-for-word after you read my blog. Copy and paste is so EASY! Just post to any sinner or strayer from the "flock" - and VOILA! Instant preaching!

    If you truly wish to communicate with me, I would suggest a PERSONAL response.

    Thank you.

    Meanwhile, I guess I am brought to the point of needing to moderate comments.

    ReplyDelete
  3. A hooters in Iowa, a hotbed of Breederdom. That's just scary.

    ReplyDelete